Computer Jokes

There was a man who went outside to mow his lawn and why he was mowing it his really pretty,blond neighbor came out of her house opened her mailbox looked in and then slammed the mailbox door shut.Then She went back in the house.About five minutes later she came back out opened her mailbox looked in and slammed the mailbox door shut.Then about another five minutes later she came back out opened her mailbox looked in and slammed the mailbox door extra hard.So her neighbor said"What's the matter?" She replied"My stupid computer keeps saying I got mail!"


Bill Gates' Eternity

Bill Gates dies and goes to hell. Satan greets him, "Welcome Mr. Gates,
we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've
been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me
in a good mood, I'll be generous
and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."

Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are
tormented and tortured.

He then takes him to a massive colosseum where thousands of people are
chased about and devoured by starving lions.

Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a beautiful young
blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there
is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the
corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."

"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room.

Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.

"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place
of all?"

"That's what everyone thinks," snickered Satan. "The bottle has a hole in it
and the girl hasn't."

"What about the PC?"

"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys."

"Which three?"

"Control, Alt and Delete."



Bill Gates dies, GOD says to him,"You have your choice of going to Heaven or going to Hell." Bill Gates first visits Hell, when he arrives, he sees that everyone is happy. The sun is shining,the hills are covered green with grass, people are singing and dancing, children are laughing and playing. "This looks like a nice place to spend eternity", Bill says. Bill then visits Heaven and finds that the people are very unhappy. Some of the people there are being tortured, others are hard at work lifting and moving heavy boulders. There is nothing but fire and brimstone for as far as the eye can see. "Screw this",he says,"I'm going back to Hell!" But when he goes back to Hell, there is fire and brimstone,people are being tortured,while others move and lift boulders. Just then, Bill sees SATAN and hurries over to him. "Hey," Bill asks,"what happened? The last time I was here everyone was so happy." SATAN says, "Oh, that was just our screen saver."